21 August – Smelly Stranger.

I was standing on the train reading my book when this very smelly guy stood beside me. I didn’t bother looking up to see how he looks like but from the corner of my eye, I can see that he’s pretty weird.

Not long after, he found a seat and I was glad that he did.

And not long after, I found a seat and the moment I sat down, I regretted.

I sat beside the smelly guy. If I bothered to see how he looks like when he stood beside me, I wouldn’t have taken the empty seat.

He’s behaving oddly and with his smell and all, I was getting uneasy. I didn’t look up but I can sense that he attempted to read my book and I was getting uncomfortable whenever he got too close to me. Then I was all paranoid thinking he’s  a pervert. Obviously I was thinking too much. I started behaving oddly too. I can’t even read my book in peace and I had to be really alert with every movement of his.

Aiyoh, he so smelly I really feel like throwing up in the train and I still smell it even after I alighted. Buay tahan. So smelly. Why so smelly. Very very smelly.

By the way, I met Jaslyn and Whee Lynn today. I like that I’ve been meeting up with a lot of people whom I miss dearly. I wish Joice Natalia UM and Jo were here. I miss them badly too. Natalia is one sampat and Jo is the most spontaneous night life kaki and xy buddy. Come back soooooon please.

Aiyoh. I still smell that stench from the smelly guy eh.

Okay okay.

I’m so tired now. It’s gonna hit 3 soon but I’m still waiting for hair to dry. Lazy to blow dry my hair. And I still have bedsheets to change. So lazy. And I’m typing with my head tilted to the right. Ma caught me doing that and asked me why am I tilting my hair. I told her I’m lazy. She’s still watching her stupid korean dramas. No way man. I can’t stay up late nowadays. And I kept waking up by myself in the MORNING. For goodness sake. I DON’T WAKE UP IN THE MORNING UNLESS FOR CLASSES. I’m having a school break for goodness sake. Once school reopens, I’m sure I couldn’t wake up in time.

Perhaps waking up early by myself even before my alarm goes off is a sign to show that I’m happy and I can’t wait to wake up and kick start the day. Am I right? Because the reason why I always overslept during my school days is because I dread going to school. No, I don’t think so. I just don’t feel happy about waking up by myself in the morning. It’s just not right. Or maybe I’m too stress. Oh, as if. I think I’m talking to myself right now. Oh, I always do that anyway. What’s new?

My nose is spoiled. I can still smell the stench you know you know. GOSH.

Oh you know, I don’t hate myself as much anymore. But somehow, I miss the days when I do. During those days, I was constantly searching for reasons to prove my worthiness for my existence. Now I don’t. Not that I feel worthless but it seems like I can’t be bothered anymore. Really? I don’t know.

But whatever it is, I like the way how things are now. I’m certain that days like this don’t last. Nothing lasts you see. I’m sure hell will find me when I reach that cross junction again. Not long. In a year’s time. I’ll graduate in a year’s time.

You know, that day I was reading Just Kids on the bus, I can’t help tearing when I finished the book. Though I already knew that Robert Mapplethorpe had passed on already, I still can’t help feeling melancholy. I didn’t know who Patti or Robert is before I read the book but now I’m in love with them. I was so inspired by them that I started painting the canvas sheet that I had bought months ago. You know, I am someone who procrastinates a lot and I speak more than I act. So I was actually surprised by my enthusiasm when I first picked up the pencil and then the brush.

Okay. It’s 3.21AM already. I’ve been clinging on this space for the past 40 minutes to kill time, typing whatever that comes into my mind. My mind is almost blank. I just want to sleep now. Goodnight.

P.S.: I can’t help thinking that you’re a sad song.

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