Hello, here I a…

March 18, 2012

Hello, here I am putting up a new post after such a long hiatus. I am here because I feel crappy. Very crappy. There’s a lot of things that upset me and I really dread my life. I don’t think anyone can understand but I love and hate people at the same time. Sometimes I miss everybody’s presence, and sometimes I just feel like avoiding everyone and be alone. I guess I’m trying to be alone as much as possible because everybody is gradually having their own lives and I know eventually I will lose everyone. I rather be alone than to be left alone. I rather walk away than to have people walk away from me.


December 9, 2011


1) They look like angels when they’re asleep.

2) They melt you with their cuteness.

3) They make you laugh without much effort.

4) They magically make you forget your problems.

5) You would love holding conversations with them because their replies never fail to amaze you.


1) They are like Ben 10; They become monsters sometimes.

2) They pick up bad habits/language very quickly, especially from the other bad kids.

3) They always want to win.

4) They make a lot of noise.

5) They take afternoon naps and won’t go to bed at night. (Which is why I don’t encourage parents to let their kids take nap unless they are really obedient, but Ma said that kids have to take nap so that they will grow taller. I wish I had taken more naps when I was younger. Nanny always made me take naps though, it’s just that sometimes I pretend to sleep.)

6) They ask 60 questions in a minute; You can never enjoy your television programs.

7) You lose alllllllll your “me time”.

8) They wet the bed.

November 27, 2011

I miss having that otherworldly feeling.
I can’t bring myself to do anything lately.
& honestly, I can’t find much joy in life.
Or rather, I can’t find anything that keeps the smile on my face permanent.
But neither can I point out the things that upset me.
Sometimes you just want to sleep.
Or maybe be psychedelic.
It’s like, I think I can relate to them despite the huge indifference.
It’s just that one thing about us that is common.

I am not making sense to you again, am I? Ha, fuck life.


November 22, 2011

It’s 4 in the morning. I can’t believe I did nothing on Rama’s essay and instead wrote a chunk of corny chinese lyrics. HAHAHAHA. Inspirations come at the weirdest timings. & I like to type in Chinese lately after watching You’re the Apple of my Eye. I got to sleep now. I need to meet my 柯景騰/Jack Dawson. You know, it’s another saying of, I need to meet my prince charming/Romeo. BYE.

November 17, 2011

I have nothing to give.

November 17, 2011

Maybe you would like to listen to Beach House and Boy and Bear.


November 17, 2011

November 9, 2011

Hey hi. Hi ho. Holy shit.

I think Ma’s upset because she thinks that I am an irresponsible student who doesn’t go to class. But I can’t help falling back to sleep after I woke up to tweet “fucking bad dream”. HAHAHA

So I missed lecture today. Heard that the lecturer was being all bitchy, as always.

Don’t feel like going home after school today, which I have no idea why. So I went to cut my hair because I have nothing to do, and I feel like it cause my hair was really messy.

In fact, I feel like cutting my hair everyday.

As much as I said I want to grow my hair, I cut it shorter and shorter.

& I feel like spending money today. But I can’t buy apparels because I’ll feel guilty. So I bought junks. Funny how I’m okay with spending money on junks.


Yes, dreamcatcher again.

Watermelon stationery pouch.

I’m starting to hate my hair again. WLW.

November 8, 2011

Project meeting on a PH. It wasn’t that bad until, um, yea.

Anyway, Queenstown is the last place in Singapore that I want to live in. I think it’s pretty creepy and deserted with lots of abandoned buildings.

Today was pretty much exciting because we kept shifting from places to places because they are closing down one by one in the night.

Finished work at 12 plus and I took the best cab ever because this cab  driver really amused me with all the facts. People impress me when they tell me interesting facts that I don’t know.

CD: How long have you been living in BP?

Me: Since 2005. 6 years.

CD: Let me ask you. What is the meaning of Senja?

Me: HMMMMM. Idk.

CD: AHHH. Dk right. It means evening. The street names in BP are named in relation to day or weather. Ask me. What else? Segar. You know what it means?

Me: Morning?

CD: NO. It means fresh. You see, it describes a morning. Fresh. What else?

Me: Jelapang.

CD: Ah, this one I don’t know.

Me: HAHAHA. Fajar.

CD: It means morning. Petir means lightning.

He told me a lot. Siglap is known as the opera district. Something like that. Because street names were named in relation to orchestra stuff. Then there’s a road name Raja Wali, it means Kingfisher. And in Jurong, places were named after birds. This explains why it’s called Jurong Bird Park. RIGHT!

CD: The other day I saw a street named Jalan Hari Raya. Shock you know. There every day Hari Raya.

Me: HAHAHA really? Every day Hari Raya?

CD: YAH. Shock ah when I saw. Jalan Hari Raya.

He told me a lot of funny stuff as well but I can’t say it.

Since I don’t feel like sleeping yet, I’ll type what I know about him.

He is a mixed whose father is a Malay and Mother is a Chinese Hokkien. He can’t really speak Mandarin but he can understand. He had dinner at his sister’s place in Pasir Ris and he drove his mother to Henderson before fetching a Chinese girl from Orchard to Jurong. I was the customer after that Chinese girl. He lives in Holland. Now you know how much of a busybody I am, to dig out this much info. HAHAHA. Okay bye.

Popopopoker face popopoker face. And centre-parting too.

November 6, 2011

October 31, 2011




I think his brain is dysfunctional.

October 31, 2011


Still pretty much traumatised by that.

It’s either you don’t get married, or you find a spouse smaller than you. If I’m ever going to have a husband, he has to skinnier than me, shorter than me and weaker than me.

Okay, I’m kidding.

But seriously, domestic violence is probably the scariest thing. Even scarier than that lil boy from Ju-On under my bed.

When I was 9

October 28, 2011

When I was 9, I had my first bf. Like in this picture, he was very much in his own world. So, we broke up.

MEH. So bored. I am going to start working on my essay now.

October 22, 2011

A few weeks back, I came home from work to find my uncle and aunt over at my house. It has been ages since I last saw them and I’ve never spoken much to them. But that night, I was enthusiastically keeping the conversations with them. I guess, I realised how much I miss them. I didn’t know that I would ever miss them.

After they left, I was determined to drop by their place soon. And I realised that I haven’t been taking the initiative to visit my godparents and my nanny and all. I have been spending most of my time with friends.

The other day before Soul, RT spent the whole afternoon with her cousin, which made me realised that I’ve never gone out with my cousins with the adults before. Tell me that I’ve been missing out a lot in life.

But I don’t just say it, I act. So all of us had dinner together tonight and it was really pleasant. Went over to their place after dinner just like the old days. (: I got to know that cousins would like to go for karaoke but weren’t allowed to; I know what to do with my next pay already. :D HEHEHE

& I shall drop by Nanny’s place soon. I’ve already bought dog’s snacks for Faye. I miss smelly Faye. & I really hope that she can pull through. She’s getting really old, which makes me sad. I like how there was once when Faye slept beside me when we took our afternoon naps.

They have been doing very much for me but I don’t see myself doing anything for them, which makes me really really embarrassed and I want to cry.

Life’s really good. You know, the happier you are, the more afraid you’ll be. I really fear for the day when they start leaving me one by one. I don’t think I will ever be ready for that kind of thing.

& I hope Gong gong is doing well. I feel really bad because when he was around, I didn’t really liked him. He was strict and all and I didn’t that. Thinking back now, he was teaching me manners. I didn’t have much memories with him and I remember sulking when mother made me take photographs with him. I was for god sake sulking in those pictures. I feel like stabbing myself right now. Damn, I’m tearing already.

I’m going to sound very cliche and I don’t like it. So I am going to make it less cliche for you. Moral of the story: CHerish loh. Cherish what cherish who you know lah hoh?


Children are very gifted in drawing, especially drawing a smile on your face.

October 21, 2011

That’s my cousin. He’s very good at pissing you off as well as making you laugh. He has this problem with pronouncing word properly Idk why.

And he kept pronouncing “fish” as “fee-she”. HAHAHAHAH cracks me up every time I watch this video.

*Warning: My voice is pretty irritating.


October 21, 2011

8 OCT 2011. 4 months after I crossed out one to-do off my bucket list for the first time, I am crossing out the second to-do, that is, to attend POP. (:

I HAD FUN! So did Jas! THey were so cute when they marched out, like little ants. And when they came out the second time, they were like cute little bouncing ants. I love the roar. And I love the moment when they threw their caps; it touched me a little bit. I swear I could tear as if my son was there.

& their smell is legendary. HAHAHA.

Okay, I smell like curry prawns after jog as well. What I mean is, no one smells good after perspiration. So, salute the soldiers and say, “Thank you for your hard work.”







I was pretty excited to take a picture of someone on the stretcher, like every one else. HAHAHAH

OH, how I miss band.












It’s Cal’s POP by the way.

& Jas came for a (last minute) stayover the night before for this POP. HEHEH. I love stayovers. If only my room has got a TV, it would be perfect. Or maybe a fridge as well.

Anyway, lemme show you what I bought the other day.

HAHAHAHA CUTE RIGHT! He looks funny in any position. I tried to make him sit but his head is too heavy. Anyway, I am not someone who likes soft toys. The only exception used to be Patrick Star, but this is another exception. THis zombie surely cheers you up yea? Whenever I don’t feel too good, it makes me laugh. SO CUTE. But of course I don’t talk to soft toys lah hoh, PLEASE.

cam to gif

animated gif how to

OH,  you know, I enjoyed work the other day because there were a few really nice customers whom I talked to for quite a while. I like to talk to customers and give them advices, provided they are nice and no one pulled my hair that day. Still, I’m not sure if I’m good enough to be a sales assistant or not. But one thing I’m sure of is that, I’m sick of retail line already, as a sales assistant. I haven’t tried F&B yet. That’s the last industry I would want to go because I am afraid of hungry and angry customers. I am afraid that karma would hit me back real hard because I make most noise at a dining table rather than in the fitting room.


October 7, 2011

That moment of …

September 25, 2011

That moment of guilt and self-disappointment when you realised that all the problems are either illuminated or exaggerated by yourself because somebody or something has to take the blame for your self-resentment.

I owe myself a rest. Ample rest. I have been exhuasted for too long, from the inner-chaos. Sometimes unnecessary. I need rest.

Be muted, my mind. Be closed, my eyes. Just sleep, my heart.

September 20, 2011

Jaslyn Ho tweeted about this P1 Chinese poem competition on the topic ‘Home’.

So I came up with this, which I’m pretty proud of. :D

家, 一个充满喜怒哀乐的地方;不管风吹雨打,都有彩虹的存在。家, 一个给予我爱与关怀的地方;即使人生的路途有多艰难, 都有开怀大笑的理由。家,一个我属于的地方。


One of my friends in school said that I’m very good at bullshitting. I took that as a compliment. (: HAHAHAHAHA

September 20, 2011

Hwee Khim was telling me how I even respond to people when they call me by Olivia. It’s not my name and it’s something that I should not be used to.

Surprisingly, it didn’t take me very long to get used to that name. The first time people call me that, I responded pretty promptly, as if it’s really my name. It’s like, I was born for that name. HAHAHAHA.

Okay bye.

September 20, 2011

I’ll never eat Xing Wang’s kaya butter toast ever again. Never okay. If I ever order that in the future, please remind me that it made me nauseous for the whole morning.

I hate it when my first meal of the day is crappy. My definition of crappy meal covers three aspects – eating whatever that I don’t actually feel like eating, bad customer services like making me wait for too long or forgetting to prepare our food, food that taste bad.

After eating the toast, I feel like throwing up. I forced myself to throw up but nothing came out. Then I had a terrible stomache, probably from last night’s Asam Fish. I had runs okay.

When I reached Lot 1, I threw up. Feeling better but still awful.

Then just before I entering Fairprice, someone called out “OLIVIA!”

I knew it was my colleague. Nobody outside my workplace will call me that. I hope I did smile enough to appear friendly but I know I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t feel like smiling at all. My stomach giving my problems.

Ma wanted me to buy veg for tonight’s dinner and guess what did I buy?

BROCCOLI LOH. HAHAHA <3 & carrots.

I still feel like throwing up actually.

Okay bye.

September 18, 2011


As usual, I was late for class. But on Wednesday, Robby, our tutor, wasn’t in a very good mood. Edith told me that he’s shooting questions at people who were late that day.

I was contemplating as to whether to send myself to the war zone or not. I still did anyway, thinking, “It can’t be that bad.”

HOHOHO. He asked me a question and my answer was “Commercial entities.” Then he gave me a really kb reply, telling me not to impress him with fancy words and asked what are commercial entities.” So I told him “Business organizations.” HAHAHAHA I know it all means the same. Again, he asked me what that is.

I decided to change my answer to “Non-profit organizations”, which he accepted the answer.

Then he went on to ask who is the group leader in my group. Reluctantly, I raised my hand.

And the next thing I knew, he HMF. Hurt my feelings.

HE…. HE SAID, “God bless your group.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I told it was funny but then again, it’s not very polite to say that.

But that’s just his style of teaching. He feels that he can spur us to work harder with his nasty comments. But I feel that he has a great sense of humour in a way. He always give you very kb replies. I like. But not on me can.

Okay, so that was all for school.

At work, this colleague of mine asked me during our break, “Olivia, why are you always in your own world?”

HAHAHA. I didn’t reply but I just smiled. I didn’t know what to say. He’s right. Maybe 60% of the time, I’m in my own world.

That’s what my friends told me when we had a primary school gathering many years ago.

You would probably say it’s because I’m the only child. So I can get kind of quirky.


I am still a horrendous driver. I was so close to declare bankrupt when I made a turn too sharp that this MERCEDES almost knocked into my car because I cut into his lane. It was clearly my fault. Yesterday was really terrible. I kept going into the wrong lane I don’t know why. I may just die one day if I’m driving alone.


I have to wear the head gear for my braces. I thought it only happens in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. At least mine doesn’t look like the rugby helmet.

I am always brisk-walking from places to places. Obviously it shows one thing – I am always behind time. You know, I’m really tired. I’m tired of walking so fast-paced, I’m tired of rushing here and there. My legs need to rest. I think I overwork them. If you ever see me walking slowly, it only means one thing – I’m too late that I cannot be bothered to rush.

Okay, not really, occasionally, I can be way toooo early as well. I am hardly on the dot.

This is what I do nowadays when I’m at home and when I don’t feel like doing school work:

Cutting my jeans, practicing drawing on fabrics and then…


I wanted to show you the dino that I drew on my back pocket because I love it very much, but I couldn’t upload the photo. So. That’s it, for Friday.


I was stationed at the cashier counter today and this customer let her little girl sit on the counter top. I smiled to her but she was so shy that she looked away.

The next thing I knew, her Mama prompted her to call me aunty. I thought I heard it wrongly but NOPE. SHE SAID AUNTY TWICE. WLE. Some people are just plain stupid. They cannot differentiate aunty and jie jie. Basket.

Went H&M today after work because Ma wanted to take a look. I looked like crap with my uniform. I should’ve brought clothes to change.

OKAY. Tired now.

P.S: I love it when I make people smile. (:

September 9, 2011

Watched The Bridesmaids. It’s meant to be a comedy but I cried more than I laughed.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but sometimes, I feel like pushing people away or withdrawing myself from people. Whichever way. I don’t know the life I’m living in. Am I in my own world or what? I’m still uncertain if I’m genuinely happy or I’m trying very hard to convince myself by pretending so much to the extent I can’t figure out if everything’s real anymore. I’m sick.

I tend to think a lot, about humans, society and life. Everybody’s and everything’s complexity. The so-called norms that shape our lives and decisions, the social rules and expectations, such as the benchmark for success, which we were not bound to follow but still do anyway because they were drilled into us since young. The stages of our life cycle – I don’t mean the process of human body growth but rather what we do in our lives. We study, get a job, get married, have kids. Of course, I can choose not to follow any of them but the social pressure and environment have forced many of us to adapt and do the same. Like, we get judged by people when we stand out from the norms and it takes a lot of courage to be different. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?

Why are we revolving around money? Why do people commit themselves into a marriage when they know they can’t? Why do we have school bullies just because some kids are different? Blah blah blah blah blah.

It’s hitting 5am soon. Goodnight.

7 Sept

September 8, 2011

No kidding. I can fall asleep instantly if I close my eyes now but I’m waiting for my hair to dry.

Every Wed is like that – Knock off at around 11.30pm, home at around 12, shower for half an hour, do mask, wait for hair to dry, struggling to keep myself awake.

Work was really fun.

Met this 17-year-old colleague of mine at the bus-stop. He was taking the same bus as me and he is living where I used to stay 7 years ago. He moved to that area 8 years ago.

He thought that I’m a foreigner you know. He said that my English got this accent. So sad. I kept asking if he thought that I’m a China’s Chinese.

ANYWAY, I was really happy when he thought that I am 18. HAHAHA. In fact, a lot of them think that I am 18 or they think I’m younger than 21. HEHEH.

Before I alighted the bus, he said to me, “21 years old.” Still in disbelief.

I replied with a mild smile, “Yup.”


The other day when I went to get a haircut, my hairstylist saw my coloured hair and went, “You dyed your hair.” I thought it was quite peculiar for her to say that, like, isn’t it obvious?

Then afterwards when she know that I am 21, she was like, “No wonder. I was wondering how come your school allows you to dye your hair.”

AHAHAHA. She must have thought that I’m from secondary school? AHAHAHAHA. :D

Okay. Enough boasting. It’s just my fringe that makes me look kiddy I guess. People age. But on a brighter note, our hearts doesn’t.

Forever young. *fuckyeahtumblr*

“If you want it, go get it. Don’t regret.”

September 7, 2011

That’s what Ma told me. So, I made my way to….. BORDERS CLEARANCE SALE! :D

HAHAHA like cheapo. But items were on 70% discount. Bought 10 books for 70 bucks. EH. NOT BAD RIGHT. In fact, I’m damn broke already. But for these cheap books, I can use the remainder of my ang pow money. So it’s okay.

I know my posts are getting boring. Anyway, this is my favorite shirt. The first on my list.

Then this is my favorite reusable bag. Actually, this is also my only one.

I bought this because it’s cute. It’s only $1.50.

I think I’m bad at choosing books when it comes to buying books from a sale; The books that I wanted are not there and yet, I forced myself to buy from what’s available. So, I chose books published by the Penguin Group. Should be safe. But of course, I read their synopsis.

I can go on showing other books I’ve bought but nope. I’m not gonna do that.

This is my new desktop picture – ‘Lunch atop a Skyscraper’ by Charles C. Ebbets:

I did my research and it says that they were on level 69. :O And what I like about this picture is that it reminded me of This Side of Brightness.

I don’t know why I am telling you this. Okay goodnight.

OH YAH. Let me show you something before I go off.

Photo taken by Kevin Carter. I should totally stick this picture on my wall, put it in my wallet and set this as my cellphone’s wallpaper (if I could find my cable). Here we are trying to be skinny and there they are…. Here we are whining about every single fucking thing and there they are…. I was lost for words when I saw how skeletal the hand is.

Another famous photo by him would be this (I’m sure you’ve seen it before) :

Carter killed himself after receiving the Pulitzer Prize for this photograph. I’m not sure if he did help the emaciated child though.

I can go on and on.

Sudan famine in the 90s:

I came across this photo when I was doing my research the other time. I googled ‘Sudan’ and I saw this image. He needs to crawl to move from place to place? That’s what the picture is telling me. BEcause he’s too weak to even stand.

& then, I just googled ‘Sudan famine’ and I saw this. AIYOOOO


I’m not sure how Sudan is doing now though but there are definitely people who are still suffering from famine and war. Yes.



September 3, 2011


You may think it’s lame to blog about my new hairstyle but whatever. I don’t have much to blog about but I want to and here it goes:

My hair has never been this neat for a long long time already. Other than the neatness, I don’t quite like the hairstyle. Like aunty you know. And the hairdresser screwed my fringe. I called it the Aunty Fringe where they layered your fringe. You will know when you see it. But I all I can do is to side-swipe it.

The above picture was taken on the day after my haircut of course. If it’s on the second day, it wouldn’t be that neat.

Now, the day after the haircut:

So messy that I had to buy rubber bands just to bun my hair. The good thing about this hairstyle is that buns and up-dos are made easier.

I’m wearing my very first Uniqlo top by the way. It’s my uniform. Yea. I like to wear new clothes and since I haven’t been shopping in a long while, I can only wear my uniform.

Caught The Rise of The Planet of The Apes. I think that’s the title. EH, I LOVEEEEEEE IT! I love Buck. I love Caesar most. But why does Buck have to die! D:

& when Caesar drew his window on the wall of his cell, tears welled up in my eyes. SO SAD. He misses home. But I was glad that he found his real home. That’s where he should be. He’ll definitely be happier there!

OH AND I DIDN’T KNOW THAT THIS MOVIE IS STARRING JAMES FRANCO AND TOM FELTON! I LOVE FRANCO! And I was really excited to see Felton until he started ill-treating Caesar. Why like that. And who the hell will activate an electrical stick when your enemy is holding a water host. Aiyohhhh.

Whatever, I love this movie. And I love being my parents’ chauffeur. :D

29 Aug 2011

August 30, 2011

I can see that this workplace is tough but I’m just gonna press on.

My shift was from 1.30pm to 11.30pm on my first day of work. Hah, doubleu tee age right.

It’s okay. Money money 滚滚来 (goon goon lye). *Chik Cheng*

I’ve never been in need of money this much. Seriously.

Probably because I’m desperate to get out of this place. I don’t exactly abhor this place but I can’t explain this very strong desire to leave this place. At least for a month? That would be great! :D Or can I leave forever? I want to live in Sunset Park.

Anyway, I hate my hair. Everyday I look into the mirror and I feel like shaving my head.

Oh, & because of my shift, I missed the last episode of On The Fringe and visited xinmsn to realise that they haven’t uploaded the last episode yet. So I caught last Fri’s episode instead.

Dinner at 1.30AM while watching On The Fringe:

98% broccoli and 2% rice. HAHAHA. <3 broccoli. :D

AND YES! Do you know that my colleagues know me as Olivia? HEHEHE. All of them are calling me Olivia. Actually I don’t quite like the name already. HAHAHAHA. Yes again. I kept changing my English name. I like my Chinese name best. But since people always pronounce my name wrongly, I might as well make life easier for them.

My name is pronounce as Zi (1) Ning (2), not Zi (3) Ning (2). 曾姿宁. Tvym.

I can’t help but to think of my children’s name now. If it’s a he, he shall be called Spencer. If it’s a she, she shall be called Mathilda. I’m not sure about the Mathilda actually. Or maybe Broccoli. So sad. AHAHA. But their chinese names have to be very old-fashion. For a boy, I’ll name him 金来 Jin Lye (Direct translation is Gold Come. HAHAHA.) to assure him that he will be freaking rich when he grow up. For a girl, I’ll probably call her 美玉 Mei Yu (Beautiful Jade). HAHAHAHA. NIce right.

Okay. I shall go blow dry my hair and get some sleep. Hari Raya tomorrow (I mean later) but I have to work. BUTTTTTTT, it’s okay because………… BECAUSE?


This is a canto song by Sam Hui. It says it all. We are slaves to money for life, working like a dog and bearing all the shit from our boss. Unless, WE R DA BOSS.

Okay goodnight. It’s 3.33AM already.

August 28, 2011

Because I was feeling crappy today for no apparent reason:

I love them in a set – Yan Yan, Collon, Tasty, Pocky, Hello Panda.

Broccoli and chicken breast and broccoli and chicken breast and broccoli and chicken breast and broccoli and chicken breast and broccoli and chicken breast and broccoli and chicken breast and broccoli and chicken breast and CHEEEEESSSEEEEEEE! :D

August 24, 2011


My friend tweeted a picture of Mac and Cheese with Chicken and Broccoli that she made for herself and I was like “OMGGGGGG”.

So I asked for the recipe! :D


OM NOM NOM NOM. I’m feeling very very hungry now.

Okay, goodnight!

I didn’t pack my room today.

August 23, 2011

Ma came into my room at 1pm when I was still sleeping. She woke me up just to ask me if I’m having dinner at home tonight. ZZZZZZ. I already told her I will be having dinner at home the day before. And she just have to keep asking talking about dinner when it’s still hoursssss away.


I stop frowning when I see your face. (: HAHAHA. I love pat. But I couldn’t understand that episode cause it was in Malay. Watched it in M’sia you see.

The only picture we got that day. Banana & Fran. <3

This is what I did to feel like an art student. HAHAHA. Can you tell who they are? I know I’m pretty lousy but I had fun. (:

HAHAHAH. It’s for my room actually. I think I’ll do more touch-up on Starr’s face.

My cousin’s goldfish. There are 2 and I like to feed them when I feel hungry because I assume that they are hungry if I am. This one likes to hide in that corner. Initially I thought it was stuck. So I scooped it up. The second time, I thought it was stuck again and I did the same. The third time, I heard from Ma that that fish is always like that. So I ignored it and went on to feed them. The moment the food went in, this actor immediately swam up.

HAHAHAHA. I did the center-parting for him.

Then I thought I should button up his polo tee to make him look geeky. But I got scolded afterwards by my Ma because the weather was really warm.

August 22, 2011

I will clear my room tomorrow and this time, everything on my working desk, on the floor, on the chairs, on the dressing table, everything is going out of my sight. You have no idea how messy my room is.

21 August – Smelly Stranger.

August 22, 2011

I was standing on the train reading my book when this very smelly guy stood beside me. I didn’t bother looking up to see how he looks like but from the corner of my eye, I can see that he’s pretty weird.

Not long after, he found a seat and I was glad that he did.

And not long after, I found a seat and the moment I sat down, I regretted.

I sat beside the smelly guy. If I bothered to see how he looks like when he stood beside me, I wouldn’t have taken the empty seat.

He’s behaving oddly and with his smell and all, I was getting uneasy. I didn’t look up but I can sense that he attempted to read my book and I was getting uncomfortable whenever he got too close to me. Then I was all paranoid thinking he’s  a pervert. Obviously I was thinking too much. I started behaving oddly too. I can’t even read my book in peace and I had to be really alert with every movement of his.

Aiyoh, he so smelly I really feel like throwing up in the train and I still smell it even after I alighted. Buay tahan. So smelly. Why so smelly. Very very smelly.

By the way, I met Jaslyn and Whee Lynn today. I like that I’ve been meeting up with a lot of people whom I miss dearly. I wish Joice Natalia UM and Jo were here. I miss them badly too. Natalia is one sampat and Jo is the most spontaneous night life kaki and xy buddy. Come back soooooon please.

Aiyoh. I still smell that stench from the smelly guy eh.

Okay okay.

I’m so tired now. It’s gonna hit 3 soon but I’m still waiting for hair to dry. Lazy to blow dry my hair. And I still have bedsheets to change. So lazy. And I’m typing with my head tilted to the right. Ma caught me doing that and asked me why am I tilting my hair. I told her I’m lazy. She’s still watching her stupid korean dramas. No way man. I can’t stay up late nowadays. And I kept waking up by myself in the MORNING. For goodness sake. I DON’T WAKE UP IN THE MORNING UNLESS FOR CLASSES. I’m having a school break for goodness sake. Once school reopens, I’m sure I couldn’t wake up in time.

Perhaps waking up early by myself even before my alarm goes off is a sign to show that I’m happy and I can’t wait to wake up and kick start the day. Am I right? Because the reason why I always overslept during my school days is because I dread going to school. No, I don’t think so. I just don’t feel happy about waking up by myself in the morning. It’s just not right. Or maybe I’m too stress. Oh, as if. I think I’m talking to myself right now. Oh, I always do that anyway. What’s new?

My nose is spoiled. I can still smell the stench you know you know. GOSH.

Oh you know, I don’t hate myself as much anymore. But somehow, I miss the days when I do. During those days, I was constantly searching for reasons to prove my worthiness for my existence. Now I don’t. Not that I feel worthless but it seems like I can’t be bothered anymore. Really? I don’t know.

But whatever it is, I like the way how things are now. I’m certain that days like this don’t last. Nothing lasts you see. I’m sure hell will find me when I reach that cross junction again. Not long. In a year’s time. I’ll graduate in a year’s time.

You know, that day I was reading Just Kids on the bus, I can’t help tearing when I finished the book. Though I already knew that Robert Mapplethorpe had passed on already, I still can’t help feeling melancholy. I didn’t know who Patti or Robert is before I read the book but now I’m in love with them. I was so inspired by them that I started painting the canvas sheet that I had bought months ago. You know, I am someone who procrastinates a lot and I speak more than I act. So I was actually surprised by my enthusiasm when I first picked up the pencil and then the brush.

Okay. It’s 3.21AM already. I’ve been clinging on this space for the past 40 minutes to kill time, typing whatever that comes into my mind. My mind is almost blank. I just want to sleep now. Goodnight.

P.S.: I can’t help thinking that you’re a sad song.

19 Aug: Loner Chan & 20 Aug: Ah Beng Chan

August 21, 2011


19 Aug

Dental appointment at 9.15AM. (I’m an ugly duckling hoping that I’ll turn into a swan someday.)

Then off to Lot 1 to return books.

Then to shop around.

I love doing groceries shopping alone. Yes, alone.

&, I love my reusable shopping bag! Christine gave it to me.


It took me quite a while to decide between HL and Magnolia. HL cheaper. HAHAHAHA. But Magnolia taste better.

Because I ran out of conditioner and my hair has been frizzier than ever. Got offer you know. $6.70 for 350ml and $6.95 for 500ml. OF COURSE I GET THE 500ML ONE LAH.

YES, NOT AGAIN! I cannot stop buying Dvds. It’s a very very very bad habit. Yes. It has become a habit.

I figure out I should really get in touch with the world. But I have yet to read it till now. CANNOT! CZN! HAVE TO READ!

VIOLA! MY BREAKFAST! My favourite cereal is corn flakes. It has always been my favourite since young, I think.

Met Rachel and Tracy for Starbucks. I was an hour late due to massive jams. I will take the train the next time I go out during peak hours. So no excuses.

TC WENT HK ALREADY! SO GOOD! I want to travel alone soon. Yes, alone. I think I’m a loner sometimes and I didn’t mind.

20 Aug

I dressed like an ah beng today and I was pretty proud of it. I even tweeted about it and told Ma that I am an ah beng. Check out my cocky, see-what-see, ready-to-fight face.

But at the end of the day, I ain’t that cocky anymore.


I was looking on the ground as I walked but somehow, I didn’t know that there was a drain right in front AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO IT. It was those drain with knee-high depth and my right leg went all the way in. HAHAHAHA. It was so painful that I was limping a little bit. I don’t like to limp too much because I want to be tough. But going down the stairs was hell for me. I was taking baby steps. It wasn’t the scratches that hurt and it didn’t really bother me; It was the pain felt within and I was so paranoid that I told Jas that my knee cap shifted. HAHAHAHAHAHA. But of course it didn’t! HAHAHAHA. It was merely swollen. I was planning to go jogging soon because my left calf is not hurting as much already. And something has to happen to my right leg.

August 17, 2011


I’m really happy and I don’t really know how to start blogging about those little happy moments. Not so little actually.

So, bye.

Oh, I shopped like a fucking art student today and that just made me feel really really happy too.


Crappiest day ever

August 7, 2011

It was Tracy’s birthday yesterday. It was like any other birthday party where you feel out of place no matter where you stand. That was normal. Everything was normal, until…

I had a little bit too much of the alcohol. I don’t think I was drunk because I can still remember everything. I guess I was merely high on alcohol. My head was spinning like mad and I remember that I couldn’t balance myself. But these were normal.

WHAT IS NOT IS THAT, I MADE A FREAKING FOOL OUT OF MYSELF. I cannot stop talking and raising my voice. I called Tracy’s friend “Car boot” okay. That was supposed to be an inside joke but I kept calling him that. & I threw soaked tissue paper and towel on another friend of hers. And I remember me shouting “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” WTF CZN. I seriously feel like killing myself right now. There’s more. & they even went to take a video of me okay. WAH BIANG EH SIA SUAY. I watched 2 of the videos and I don’t feel like watching it already. So depressing! I couldn’t control myself from raising my voice. OMG.

The rest of the day is just terrible. I felt so fucking awful that I was holding back my tears when I was on my way home from driving lesson. When I reached home, it was like, *BLAAAAa*, I broke down. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA I don’t really know why but it’s just an awful feeling. Supposedly, people get hangover when they drink too much the night before. For me, HAHAHAHAHA, I ended up crying. EL OH EL.

August 5, 2011

Baby you can have whatever you like,
Yeah you can have whatever you like.

No linkage.

August 2, 2011

I am a horrendous driver. I am not going to pass my TP.

I didn’t speak up for you because I don’t deny that what they said is true. But neither did I speak ill of you because I am fine with everything.

My heart’s a stereo/ It beats for you so listen close/ Hear my thoughts in every note/
Make me your radio/ Turn me up when you feel low/ This melody was meant for you/ So sing along to my stereo

I am a fatty. I look chubbier ehhh. I donate fats. Anyone?

Videos shown in class never failed to make me doze off.

I don’t like Stone Sir. He’s so irritating.

After the two assignments, I’ll do what I’m inspired to do. (: There’s a lot of things on my mind and I need to put them into *1, 2, 3* ACTION! Say hello to the girl that I am/ You’re gonna have to see through my perspective/ I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am/ And I don’t wanna be so damn protected. (If you know what song this is then you will know why I’m linking ‘Action’ to this song.)

I am such a terrible holga camera user. I wonder how the pictures will turn out.

I like how our tutors treat us like kids and they like to give us goodies on the last day of their class. (:

I am going to like Arcade Fire on FB now because I like all their songs in The Suburbs except Month of May. I bought it on a Gramophone sale last year or early this year I can’t remember.

August 1, 2011

I have heard this on the radio twice and I LOVE IT VERY VERY MUCH. Didn’t know the title until I saw someone posted it on FB. YES! :D


August 1, 2011

I just want to say that I saw someone who looks like Leonardo Di Caprio that day. MELTZZzzz. Just that his nose was way too sharp. LEONARDO, YOU WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME PLEASE? AHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHH :D <3 GOSH. I’M SMILING TO MYSELF. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

30 July 2011

July 31, 2011

Met up with a secret friend of mine today! Not really a secret friend but it just feels so.

We don’t talk very often, like once in a long while. We don’t usually meet too, like once in a long while to catch up.

While he’s neither my ex-schoolmate nor my ex-colleague, it feels as though nobody knows that we actually know each other and that we keep in contact still. So he feels like a secret friend of mine, you see. HAHAHA. And I like that. I like the idea of having a secret friend. (:

July 31, 2011

Random fact about me: I like to lie on the floor when I’m feeling perplexed, despair, or troubled. I like to feel the temperature of the marble floor and the stiffness of the floor; It somehow clears my mind.

July 29, 2011

“A part of me wanted to do just that, yet I feared that we could never reach that place again, but would shuttle back and forth like the ferryman’s children, across our river of tears.”

– Patti Smith, Just Kids; p80

July 29, 2011

I found this feather on the street before I got this book. But after I got this book, I know right away that this feather was meant for this book. The book just gives off a melancholy and nostalgic vibe. I’m using the feather as a bookmark.

Today, I got really excited when I was on page 82 because there’s a picture of Patti holding a feather as well. :D

They were yearning to be free as well. As free as a feather, I thought. It’s detached and free from the body of a bird, it floats, and it goes wherever the wind carries it to.

I love this guy.

July 27, 2011

This video led me to his page and he has some seriously awesome stuff.

You should watch all his videos. He’s really entertaining.

:D :D :D :D

So very talented guy. <3 Jon Cozart.

July 27, 2011

It’s only 1.35AM but it feels like 5AM. I’m beat.

Random fact about me: I like the smell of UHU Glue Stick.

July 25, 2011

I must say that I cannot stop listening to Arcade Fire for the past 2 weeks? AIYOH. All the songs from The Suburbs album except Month of May.

Nice random songs I found.



July 25, 2011

I like it when I stream random videos online and somehow I’ll chance upon the songs that has been played in RI, which I have been scouting for for a long time.

I kind of like Bombay Bicycle Club.

July 23, 2011

Went M’sia on Friday for durians and I’m back today! :D HEHEHEHE.

As much as I miss my aunt and the kids, I miss my bed and my room too.

Random fact about me: I like my hands and feet clean before I go to bed.

21 July 2011 – Killer weather

July 23, 2011

Yes, the sun is driving me crazy.

Caught Wu Xia. I love Donnie Yen. I love Takeshi Kaneshiro. But I thought it was funny when Donnie Yen used Wing Chun in some fighting scenes. Too much of Ip Man in him already.

Random fact about me: I hate it when stranger’s hair brush against me, especially my face. I always feel that the longer their hair, the dirtier it is.

19 July 2011

July 23, 2011

I actually have a love-hate relationship with hair-dryer. It makes my hair neater but it damages my hair.

The sun is insanely sexy today:

But I still went down to the tracks to take photos. With my parents. Yes.

While walking to the tracks, I received weird stares from strangers. Do I look weird?










HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I kept making them pose and I will go “HUO CHE ZAN LIAN REN!” HAHAHAHA Means railway station lovers.




















Notice that I  changed my bottoms? HAHAHA I wore shorts underneath my skorts so that I can change in the open.




Ma taught me how to pose because I can’t pose for nuts.